Marriage

Unitarian Wedding Ceremonies

A Personalised Approach

A Unitarian view of marriage

As in all religious traditions, Unitarians celebrate the joining of two lives with vows and symbols. In form these ceremonies are similar to many church weddings in that they might include prayers and the singing of hymns - some of the language used would remind the first-time observer of traditional occasions across the lines of denominational practice. But Unitarian weddings are different in several important ways.

A personal choice

First, Unitarians do not view vows of marriage as a sacrament. This word, which really springs from the Latin for "holy act" is seen by orthodox churches as being "an earthly and visible sign of a spiritual reality". In the case of most Christian ceremonies, this means that the joining of two people is something that. is "ordained by God" but enacted on earth. Thus the sacramental act of marriage is dependent upon certain theological beliefs for its existence.

Unitarians, in contrast, emphasise that the decision to marry is made by two individuals in relation to their communities and their own spiritual visions, rather than as an act of obedience and conformity to particular religious codes.

Adding the spiritual dimension

Based on our long history of relying more upon reason and conscience rather than holy books, the rite of marriage in a Unitarian place of worship has more to do with the desire of people to add a spiritual dimension to their freely chosen act - rather than to receive endorsement in accordance with a particular tradition's view of God. Because of this, Unitarian ministers and worship leaders encourage the participants to examine their own motives and to seek their own ways of making a "holy act". Couples are helped in deciding the form of language used in the ceremony

The interview

On first contact with a Unitarian minister or lay leader, many people are surprised to discover that there are no tests or "right answers" to be produced. Often people coming to interview who have been divorced, or who come from varying religious backgrounds (Anglican and Jewish, for example), may be anxious that they will either be turned away or will have to agree with certain tenets or creeds. To the contrary, most Unitarian worship leaders will only wish to assure themselves that the couple have thought seriously about their desire to be married, and that they wish to celebrate it in a spiritual context. Because we believe in the right of each person to seek her or his own spiritual reality, there are no "right answers" at all.

Elements of the service

Couples will discover that the minister wishes for guidance from them as to appropriate language, readings, music and vows. These may come from many religious traditions, or from none. A Unitarian wedding might include words from the Koran or the Bible, with readings from Walt Whitman or Rabindranath Tagore. In Scotland there are no set words which must by law be used; in England and Wales there are two short sentences which are legally required for a valid marriage ceremony. All other elements within reason are open to discussion. If the couple do not wish to take a major role in designing the service, the minister, with the couple's permission, is able to do so. In general, weddings are arranged in good time to allow participants to consider what they wish to include, from prayers and solo vocalists to kissing the bride.

Selecting the venue

Unitarian weddings in England and Wales must take place during daylight in a building registered for public worship and for solemnisation of weddings. In Scotland the wedding can be at any hour and in virtually any location, including the great outdoors, if one wishes to chance the weather!

Religious ceremonies of blessing following civil marriages may take place at any suitable location - including the garden of your own home.

Whom should I contact?

Most Unitarian churches and fellowships have someone who can help you with specific questions. If you do not know of a Unitarian congregation nearby, contact Unitarian Headquarters at Essex Hall (details below). You may be put in touch with a minister or lay leader, or someone who has responsibility for "special services" within the congregation.

The details of your wedding plans can be worked out following initial contact. This will include advice on legal matters and other considerations, such as music and flowers.

You will find that the process of marriage in a Unitarian church can be a help in a very important rite of passage. The spiritual significance of the act, as in all Unitarian events, is entirely yours to decide and enjoy.

Newington Green