Funeral and Memorial Services

The Unitarian Way

Unitarian funeral services

Thank you for looking at this page. There are usually two main reasons why people read a leaflet like this; the first is to make known your own funeral wishes and the second is to prepare the funeral arrangements for someone else. We will deal with these reasons in turn.

Your personal wishes

Many next of kin are relieved when a person has made their own funeral wishes known. It is useful to draw up your own checklist and set down in writing your answers to some of the questions below. Your wishes should be left in a known place possibly with personal papers and your Will.

Do you want:-

Cremation or burial and where do you want this to be?

A ceremony in the home, church, chapel, cemetery or crematorium?

Music, hymns, and readings? If so then what do you like? Note that many places now have the facilities to play recorded music.

Flowers from the family, from everyone, or donations to a good cause or charity?

If cremation, then where do you want the ashes to be scattered or interred? 

What of non-religious or Humanist ceremonies?

Most Unitarian officiants will fit in with the wishes of the deceased and may exclude what many see as traditional religious language.

We start where people are and try to

reflect the person's life rather than

speculating on any unknown future.

Arranging a funeral for someone else

Has the person left a Will and any wishes, either in the Will or in writing elsewhere? If so then you should respect those wishes, although the executor or next of kin has the final say. The family may already have paid for a plot in a cemetery or churchyard. If not then one will have to be bought, if required. (Local Authorities usually keep records of such plots.)

On registering a death, the registrar will provide a helpful booklet on what to do. Most people use a Funeral Director -- although you can arrange a "do-it-yourself" funeral instead. Choose a Funeral Director who agrees to provide a full estimate in advance.

You need to remember that for a cremation the length of the ceremony is usually limited to just thirty minutes -- and that includes time for people to enter and exit. You can book extra time if required,

Content of the ceremony

Music creates strong feelings for most people -- as does a brief period of silence when the deceased can be remembered. Music heard at funerals has ranged from a full Brass Band to a soprano, from jazz to a string quartet, from hymns to a Hindu chant, from the Beatles to the Post Horn Galop, from part of a symphony to a grandchild playing a harp. The important thing is that the music should reflect the person's life and interests.

Readings have ranged from the Bible to the poems of Robert Frost, from Robert Burns to Ogden Nash. Sometimes members of the family have written and spoken words of tribute. This is to be encouraged but remember that emotions can be powerful at this time, so a copy of the words should be available in case the individual finds it difficult to cope with the occasion.

Memorial services

Most people simply have a ceremony on the day of the funeral but sometimes a memorial will be appropriate. Examples might be when a family is widely scattered, or when a public figure has died and many people wish to pay tribute to that person. A memorial service can be arranged several days or weeks after the actual death and a public building such as a place of worship or hall can be used.

In the case of memorial services, time can be allowed for several people to be involved. One example of this was when a teacher died who had also been active in a Trade Union, in the anti-apartheid movement and in the community. Family, friends and activists from the causes that meant so much to him all spoke and the ceremony ended with part of Beethoven's 9th Symphony.